No, not some weirdly named character...............but a major mental health blip.

In short, I self harmed..............bit stupid but it's brought up that anti depressants alone aren't going to help me.

Clearly I have issues - no shit Sherlock.

I was bullied terribly at school, had relationship issues, abandonment issues re family, in fact, family would account for loads of my issues.

Basically, I went down to the beach, considered going 'IN' and found a stone and grazed the crap out of my arm.

My poor Wife Paula was shocked and her lovely daughter Rosie came to A&E with me............the psych chap basically wasn't too worried.

Thing is, I explained that I couldn't promise I wouldn't do it again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, first and foremost, I've had an amazing weekend with Paula........I love her soooooooooooooo much.

secondly, my pains are, quite frankly, affecting me so much I want to curl up in bed with lots of pain killers and sleep till my cystoscopy on 10th April

I am certainly not going into work tomorrow.

Work for www.giblues.ik.com is going well, Paula has set up a Twitter account @giblues2005.

I must try to find time to write but am in too much pain.

Anyway, off to bed as can't focus.............

anyone had a catheter before? until the other day neither had I.............but now, for 2 weeks AT LEAST, I am wearing one, 24/7.

walk, talk, eat, drink, wash AND SLEEP - yes..........all I can say is, thank god for my Wife Paula, who has been my ROCK!!

I went into retention (lack of ability to pee basically) and it bloody hurt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am also on a plethora of pills to go with the ones I was already on...........bloody pharmaceutical companies are earning a fortune out of me.

So when I have my cystoscopy - whenever that may be - I might find some answers........stay tuned.......................

Bloody Argentina........grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr they really fuck me off...............well, their leaders............FFS!

You have NEVER had any claim on the Falklands...............it's all about oil, so stop behaving like a child who's lost out on the best Christmas toy and shut the fuck up and take your botox president with you.................

Denis Waterman - CUNT - come and pick on someone who'll wallop you back..........PRICK...........

They're going to put a camera down my Willy!!!!

Flexible Cystoscopy as my wee flow was too slow.........omg I've seen the pictures.....scared!!!!!

Had a fab weekend and will mention more on that.

Back to work and feeling very depressed - clearly this place isn't good for me.....am going very nutty.

On a brighter note, my depressed nephew is ok today. Runs in the family obviously!!!!

Can you believe this today? Crikey O'Riley - it's been gorgeous and thank goodness I'm off tomorrow - ok, I'm at the hospital in the morning, Drs in the afternoon and hospital again Monday morning before I go back to work. Great weekend coming up. More to follow.

I'm sitting at the laptop, improving the website slowly but surely. As well as writing scripts and stories I also need to keep the blogs and articles going. With what I do on Twitter I'm developing my social media and news story sharing. It's very therapeutic to be able to 'share' my thoughts, views and feelings.

I'll try, naturally, to keep you all entertained.

I've had a pretty good evening so far, lovely dinner and red wine. Penultimate episode of Masterchef final tonight............bet greasy Andrew wins. Lol.

Back to the writing. I love the following website;- https://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/opportunities/

I do need to add my musical tastes, including Fleet Foxes!

So, here we go................many stories to write I will be introducing Detective Constable Ellie Jackson, the first story, Guilt; The Dark Spirit will have her working on a case that ultimately leads her close to home. Future stories develop her character and career in the police. This is a tv script that I'm hoping either the BBC or ITV or satellite channel will pick up.

I also have film and theatre script ideas.

So, I have 'Pain Management' - not quite sure what that will achieve - supposed to help re pelvic pain problem - AND, see GP late afternoon to discuss depression which is getting worse. Already sorting appointment with 'Health In Mind' - that form is done. Urology appt Monday then off to work after.

Crikey, busy times ahead on the medical front.

At least it means all of Friday off. Think Paula's grand children staying which will be lovely.

Mother's day meal Sunday, yum yum can't wait.

Need to seriously start my writing again.........

So, yesterday. I had a blip.

I felt so very very very blue and felt it coming like a wave.

It's like being on the beach, the tide retreats, you see a bloody great wave hurtling towards you - and you can't be arsed to run.

So I let it over run me and went with the proverbial flow.

Luckily, I told Paula who understands perfectly what it's like.

I think I need to see the Doc again and maybe have some counselling.

Creatively, I am utterly unfulfilled - but that's for another blog.